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Friday, 24 December 2010

Severina: Pop Singer, Actress, Celebrity.....and Cosmetics Spokesperson

Well, I have a few free moments before jumping into the shower (tuširati se), and decided to do something off the wall, or campy. Tounge in cheek even.  Anything to get that relentless infernal mall  and coffee shop holiday music out of my ears. .(How many ****ing versions of Jingle Bells are there anyway?) But then the lightbulb went on. This would be a perfect opportunity to explain my point of view regarding a gossip item that happened a few years ago in Croatia. I mentioned Severina on my blog previously HERE and HERE . If you are a newly arrived reader here and are unacquainted with her, then you can read more about her at:

Taking the time midway through to say "Hi Davor and Luka!"(Pozdrav Davor i Luka!) to the camera that she didn't know was there was a very under-appreciated and sweet thoughtful thing to do. 

Anyway, when the news first came out about a leaked sex video of her with Milan Lučić, a Croat businessman from neighbouring Hercegovina, it shocked quite a few people in Croatia, as well as Croatians outside of Croatia. Mainly the conservative types who think Croatia is still the way they left it in the 50's and 60's. Part of the reason is probably because he was married. But I think it's also because  the media built up this wholesome image of her over the years, and she was, and still is, in the news and gossip/fashion magazines very much as well. Probably her involvement with charities over the years has a lot to do with it too. This was supposedly scandalous for "The Croatian Sweetheart" to have done something so vulgar, so unlike her media induced innocent wholesome image portrayed.  Especially for someone who represented Croatia at the Eurovision Song Contest in 2006.

At 3:06 Severina contributed to 1991's "Hrvatski Band Aid". The charity song "Moja domovina" (My Homeland) was performed as the aggression on Croatia was accelerating. (My how hairstyles and fashion choices change)

Severina performing Moja Štikla (My High Heel) at the 2006 Eurovision Song Contest.

On the cover of the Croatian edition of "Maxim" magazine.

Severina on a recent episode of "Skrivena Kamera"(Hidden Camera)


Severina giving an interview for Croatian RTL television.

Now, I don't see what all the fuss is/was about. For an amateur tape, it's really not bad at all. (I've seen a lot worse out there in the adult entertainment world, and I mean A LOT worse. I mean stinking awful.)  Now for what you've been waiting for. If one is so inclined, (or the moment you've been waitng for, take your pick), you can now watch the video.. You can agree or disagree with my own observations that I added. You can also click onto the links for more information about who Severina is, or visit her official fanclub website at

Severina Vuckovic sextape powered by YouPorn.

Being a singer/dancer and all that microphone holding experience I believe helped with her technique and flexibility. The extra lip vaseline in the purse also came in handy.

.........So here are my thoughts about the famous "Severina Sex Tape":

1) I really like the way she gets into it. The pretzel thing is tres cool. Her moans and such are good as well. She doesn't just lie there like a chicken defrosting in the sink,(piletina u sudoper), but rather is showing initiative, openess to new ideas and being experimental.  In the aviation industry this is known as streamlining. Bravo!

2) She knows WHEN to moan, oooh and aaaah. (Very important) She doesn't get verbal when the situation doesn't call for it. Sort of like when you are talking to a woman, and some stupid idiot barges up and starts bugging you for change or a cigarette. It just ruins the mood and then you lose your train of thought.  She moans at the right moments. (AKA timing) It adds to the overall ambience and excitement. Her partner then can concentrate on more  important things like performance and satisfaction instead of getting out of ryhthm and having to say constant reminders. "Moan for me baby! Tell me you love it! Say my name again!"  All that. (Very important also)

3) I'm straight, and only pay attention to her moves, but at least she picked a similarly attractive guy to compliment her. If your partner doesn't look like someone you would walk holding hands to the local department store with without a problem, then you're underacheiving. That's very important, it sets the tone for the adult movie-films suspenseful and climactic scene. It doesn't really turn me on to watch a hot chick doing it with a guy who looks like the guy who picks up cigarette butts in the 7-11 parking lot.  'Nuff said.

4) Pulling out the champagne and glasses part way through? Very classy. Like something I would have done. (I maybe would have thrown in some ice cream (Sladoled) or some low fat dessert topping. Possibly also some pieces of fruit, something juicy, like a peach or plum. If you spill some, not a problem. Just incorporate it into the session. This can lead to more licking in places never licked before) Maybe bringing out some other extra goodies from the fun bag would be a good idea. Also, it gives you a breather, replenishes fluids, and can make you more relaxed too. Ready for round 2 if you will.

5) Depending on the physical condition of the partner, it shows a lot of wisdom in taking command of the situation and doing some of the more physically demanding aspects to keep things flowing. And all without coaxing. Such as like going on top, from behind, etc. Initiative is a very much admired quality. Awesome form and technique.

6) She has good technique when performing fellatio. Not afraid to perform without being asked too. Good grip, yet gentle at the same time. 2 Complimentary attributes that in the end work like a charm. Like sweet and sour chickenballs, or honey-garlic spare ribs.  Bravo again!

7) Very good hygeine practice,  neatly trimmed pubes, etc. It's really annoying when a guy goes down and needs a toothpick, or is going "ptooh...ptooh!"or sounding like he's got a cherry pit stuck in his throat for the next 15 minutes. Some women are hesitant about their guy going down on them, but believe me, once you start they don't want you to stop. You can never go wrong with a tidy and in order jewel box.

8) Lastly, good choice of location. The sound of the boat rocking and waves gets a big 2 thumbs up from me. Nothing worse than hearing traffic, yelling neighbours, garbage trucks or wino's in the alley to ruin the mood. Overall, considering it is a first attempt, I give it a 8 1/2 Grbs out of 10. Better luck next time.

*Note - Since the time this post was made, Severina has decided to foray into the make up and perfume business industry as well as continue the marketing of her 30 Greatest Hits CD compilation.. She has found a partner willing to invest in her CD promotions and potential future make up/perfume business from Serbia. Severina already has experience by assisting with the Grand Openings of several make up and ladies hair product stores in Croatia.  Severina has also decided to exchange vows with her new business partner to show that she is very serious about her make up and perfume business succeeding and becoming profitable and in extending her market presence.  It is not known if she is still seeing the Bosnian Croat businessman or other businessmen for late night or weekend important business meetings, or whether she wore white to the exchanging of the vows/perfume/make up business official contract signing.

She has hopes though, that her new perfume/make up business will result in brisk sales in Kosovo and in the towns of  Црна Трава and Јошаничка Бања, Serbia.  Through the rumour mill, it has been reported that she has plans for a new line of Severina vaginal cream and anal lube. Her new buisness partner has reportedly been quoted in media reports as saying that there are absolutely no good perfume/make up business opportunites or entrepeneurs to be found in Serbia at all these days, and that because of the current Euro debt crisis,  Kosovo problems and news coverage of the  Serbian bull testicle cooking championships, then a Severina brand vaginal cream and anal lube may be just what the country needs to boost its ecomony and popular tourism image even more.

Many celebrity watchers however have been writing in their editorials that Severina isn't exactly a wise player in the business venture business.  She had opportunities  from Russian businessmen, who would have bought her her very own company and made her president with a desk, chair, sofa and really nice curtains in a really big office in Moscow, Paris, Rome or Munich. Even a personal yacht from one Russian tycoon, it had a jacuzzi, ice making machine and a helicopter pad for those emergency shopping trips/ribbon cutting ceremonies.  This way she wouldn't  have to stand around  singing at grand openings of lipstick/moisturizing cream stores.

The Serb businessman reportedly was turned down by former Miss Kosovo Aferdita Dreshaj and by 2010 Miss Albania Anxhela Martini, who was quoted through various sources as stating  "I would rather have a lobotomy than open some pigfarm/perfume store in Serbia! Get lost creep.".  He also recieved similar replies from Miss Bulgaria 2005 through 2011, including a threat to his person, if he didn't quit buying her flowers, Winston's and cheap Serbian chocolates (Some already partially eaten)... from 2005 Miss Bulgaria  Rosi Ivanova.  (There are rumours of business propositions to other Miss Universe contestants involving Miss's from Spain, Italy, Norway, Sweden, Russia, Poland, Croatia, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Sweden, Greece, Denmark and a few others), However, the Serb businessmans constant crying and telephone calls explaining his predicament were reportedly what finally broke her to accept his buiness proposal, as well as the added bonus of a few truckloads of crappy tasting, (but free) Serbian chocolates. Severina is spending time on her new brand of bubble bath soaps and is scheduled to perform at the opening of next summers Testicle Eating Festival and be the headliner at the 52nd Serbian Trumpet Festival.

Recent footage of the excitement as people prepare laying the foundations of the new "Severina Emporium", a combination of new lipstick hut and anal lube boutique/cafe just outside of Govnodubre, Serbia.