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Sunday, 21 October 2012

When Sick Of Croatian Food... Then It's Time For Authentic Serbian Testicles

I came across this surreal piece a while ago by accident when I was Googling around for some footage of that strange Testicle eating fish that I read an article about in the past.  Now, I've already done a few Croatian food related posts (which you can read at the attached links at the bottom)....then over the last few days though I thought, fuck it, I'm going to post this.  Even though this is a Serbian related tourism piece I thought... (and 2nd post in the last couple weeks involving Serbia remarkably, see HERE)...that it may actually benefit Croatian tourism too,  highlight Croatian food/menu choices for tourists to Croatia, perhaps even put on a pedestal Croatian gastronomy in the region, (oh yeah, and bring exposure to Serbian cuisine of course).. and at the very least make people aware of what Croatian food is.....

.....I think Croatia almost couldn't ask for more positive exposure for it's own tourism industry and restaurant business sector actually.  Maybe some of the tourism bucks going to this festival will trickle down to Croatia, (where unfortunately they'll have to chow down and fill their pie hole with shrimp, lobster, pasta, veal, stuffed peppers, sausages, cheese and meat dishes, pastries...stuff like that)  So on that note, here are some highlights of Serbia's famous "Testicle Cooking Championships". (I checked beforehand just to make sure there was no "European Testicle Cooking Championships" just to avoid any confusion). If you are so inclined and want to attend next years edition you better huryy and get your tix now. (Hopefully this will satisfy all the Serbian people who were following me around for 3 years in Calgary, and even occasionally here, ... upset that I wasn't posting some Serbian themed topics.  That always left me scratching my head, because I'm not Serbian afterall.  Like why would I be posting about Serbs and Serbia when this blog is about Croatia and Croatians, and why the antics when wearing a Croatian jersey during Euro2012?  Do they think me wearing the national soccer jersey of my ethnic background has something to do with them? That I specifically wore it for them or it has something in some way to do with Serbs? Do Macedonians, Slovenians etc have similar stories? Very wierd, lol)  Who knows? Maybe they'll read this and decide to start booking their flights, group rates may be available.  Anyway, all the info for this testicle cooking extravaganza is at their official website at where I got some of the pics......

If you decide to attend, I'd recommend that you bring some sanitizer/germicide.  You may go for the camel or kangaroo testicles, but I don't think you want to come back home picking unexpected creepy-crawlies out of your hair and clothes or suddenly find out you have bed bugs. (Maybe bring a backpack of  strictly "just for festival clothes" to wear, then throw them in the garbage bin when you leave).....

Who needs a spit, barbeque or grill when you have a perfectly good bike wheel ? Bringing some wire ties may be a good idea for those yummy morsels that just don't want to stay attached to the spokes. If by chance you have a perfectly good spoked bike wheel, bring it along......

Here we have a Serb from Macedonia (wearing the Serb chetnik hat) holding a Macedonia flag trying to incriminate Macedonians I guess, because everyone knows Serbia would be the last place Macedonians would go to for food or anything. (it's a history thing too). The guy holding the Brazil flag may or may not have traveled all the way from Brazil for this shindig but I really don't care anyway. I'd recommend bringing some sandwiches or cold cuts in your bag though, and just stick with the imported beers.....

Nothing spells fun like a guy wearing an apron of a naked man with a puny penis or guy fucking a sheep. The lone female in the photo is wearing a naked lady apron, but the guy is blocking the view on purpose with his sign because he wants you too look at his sheep fucking apron.... so that leaves one asking just what the hell kind of festival is this? (Remember, like I said, don't forget the hand sanitizer/germicide...hygiene while cooking is very important). If he wanted some more laughs, he should have gone with this one. If you have your own puny penised man or guy fucking a sheep apron or any other animal, then bring it along....

This guy was smart, he used a spoon instead of a fork so as not to miss out on that yummy camel testicle broth. Also it was a very wise move to sit right beside the toilets, you're practically ready to go (just unzip, turn and do your stuff, then back to the good eats in a jiffy. WC means water closet)...because you won't have to travel far to urinate, puke or whatever. (Pssst...germicide) Photo:

This is the stuff that will put hair on your mom's balls if she doesn't already have some. (I don't think this is what AC-DC had in mind with their song "Big Balls" though, I personally would prefer eating Haitian mud cakes). Photo:

You will probably be asked to join in some Serbian man dancing and singing some Ratko Mladic, Radovan Karadzic or Vojeslav Seselj songs, or kiss their pictures like Here, so you better practice you moves. (Man-dancing is very popular in Serbia, men holding hands dance with men all the time over there, it's almost strange if you don't see men dancing with men or men holding hands with men over there, it's a Serb thing). If you happen to have any spare parts for Yugo automobiles, bring them along too, you'll probably get extra free portions of testicles. (Radiators, tires, gas tanks and mufflers are especially in demand). At the end of the day the main thing is to eat lots of testicles from different mammals, bring lots of germicide, to kindly burn your festival clothes in a safe and proper manner before leaving and of course remember to get a t-shirt so as to let everyone know you were there. Photo:

And of course last but not least, another option is to watch A Serbian Film, good to know.

Related previous posts: anthony-bourdain-no-reservations-in-croatia










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